let it be

MOst of my posts have been poem like pieces, most depressing, but i like to make people think about the words i write whether you find them low or dark or heavy.

The truth is that all around us the air is thick with beauty and depression, anxiety and joy, fear and adrenaline. To block out what may make you feel a bit vulnerable is to still choose denial.

Denial is beautiful and it has kept me alive for years but it does not last forever. Truth hits you, whether you like it or not and most times its pretty hard and takes the wind out of you.

Its what you do with that truth that determines whether or not you will fully breathe again.

Shock. That is also almost a gift, it protects you from the initial blow to your mind Its the bodies way of immediately turning its self off and only focuses on the biological functions and to keep your heart beating and your lungs breathing. If your body sercame to the honest pure pain of truth or physical harm it would break and wither away in a second.

Then the other kind of truth....the kind that makes you breathe deep, a fully satisfying breath, instantly refreshed. The kind that makes your mind go wild with answered questions, revelations grateful sighs, and child like giggles.

Now my truth-

make a decision to believe in what you truly believe deep down despite all of your doubt questions and skepticism. Despite your anger and people who were supposed to represent what you believe and how they have failed you and the fragile hearts of society.

Take all people away, all physical help. Quieten your analytical mind.

Your mind that stops and questions everything, because whether you believe in love, peace or hope..... the anger at whoever created those things, or expressed those important pieces of your life will stop you from ever fully experiencing any of them.

When i am angry i run as fast as possible.

When i feel betrayed, i run, as fast as possible.

When i am neglected. I run... a fast as possible. Its ok to run, its ok to protect.

Give up being angry at hope because of what predictably comes after hope.

What about the relief that your hope pulled through, your worn out face eventually expresses a true honest smile.

Now those are the days that the truth, the deep satisfaction and blissful relief exist.

It has taken YEARS for me to accept those moments. To choose hope and to choose to fully embrace the days that those honest smiles surface and live.

My honest truth today is ...... i cant run forever.

But i can experience a smile and choose to let it last longer than a few seconds.

tie it to a balloon

The mind forgets

The body remembers

wide awake

dont dare close your eyes

for there is no protection when you sleep....

the mind stops your body when your about to weep.

jump in jump out, live then doubt.

give up -give it up.

tie it to a balloon they say and watch it fly away...

wake up wake up today. Your low, there you lay.

tie it to a balloon they say and watch it fly away......

tie it to a balloon they say and watch it fly away......................

To give

Those that give and smile for giving,

Those that spread joy in turmoil

Those that laugh during misfortune, bring humour to those that fear for them

Them that comfort,

Them that speak words of wisdom

Them that stay awake with the concerns of others,

Them that stay quiet when needed

Them that endure the silence for love

Them that endure pain for peace

Them that suffer for fear of neglect

They are what you want,

They are what you need

They open your eyes

Their kindness softens your wounded hearts

Their journey keeps you intrigued

Her strength you don't understand

Her love is fragile

Her needs are great

Her life is crazy

Her room is a mess

Them that choose laughter

Them that hold on tight

They will smile and accept

Her touch is gentle

Her hope is light....

Light is a comfort, informs of every object in the room

its exact place, stable and secure.

Light puts you at ease that nothing hides,

light is awareness of safety.

More than a locked door or a see through fence.

Hearts need light.

a comforting light no matter what resides there.

NO matter what grows there light brings order.

no fear of lack of control of the unseen

or the break out of tears that may never stop

light can choose one area to notice and rearrange

whether grief is needed or growth is needed.

Those that run will be drawn to long to see light

open pure, fresh and warm.

Light is a comfort, a place to be restful a place to receive

whether dim or bright. A comfort knowing the sun will rise

every morning and the moon will shine every night.

stable secure expecting.

Black is no longer death or sadness or fear

for it absorbs light and embraces its warmth

receiving and enhancing colours more appreciated.

Long for light, accept black.

Rest, breath and receive the warmth

Life giving, stable, secure.......

Comfort.

QUiet

At last I love the silence.

Silence was a fear, a pannic,

a fear of thought

a pannic for lack of distraction.

fear of sneaky words waiting

to jump and take over.

At last I can be and they do not jump.

I can choose to not think

i can choose to be quiet

To breathe.

Deep not shallow.

Throat clear, relaxed.

The world is still there

my life is still there

but it is silent and i am ok.

In Silence I create

In silence I am loved.