Escape~

I used to judge people who lived to escape

Escape from life in general

Why not just accept pain

process it , embrace it and live on.

While telling other people to do that

I fell into the exact same trap.

Escapism. Enticingly beautiful.

People who drink to much irritate me

Frustrate me.

Because they are drowning what they choose not to embrace.

I watch them spiral out of control.

Is that freedom?

Being out of control?

Does it feel better tomorrow?

Do you feel free?

Control.

Freedom

Escapism

Denial.

Four words that rule daily lives....

How do we manage them?

How do we balance them so that Love can dwell between them?

~The power of Mindful WoRds.~

Everyone is constantly facing new levels of insecurity.

whether its fearing the authenticity of their intelligence

or showing their stretch marks on a sunny perfect day

surrounded by perfect people on a spotless beach.

Its when peoples actions, words and behavior bring up 

a new level of insecurity within us that feels so out of control

it creates unreasonable behavior

that is eventually destructive and just plain stupid.

When people start to act differently, unpredictable and distant,

our fears stand to attention, get ready, on your marks

get set and FREAK OUT!

The trigger is pulled and the horn sounds off with crazy questions,

assumptions and accusations racing for answers, explanations

and someone or something to show us how unnecessary

this explosion of fear really is.

How unnecessary this anxiety and party of insecurity really is.

Can someone please raise their hands up to the crowd of panic

in our minds and hush them with 

poise and authority?

They don't seem to listen to me.

The actual problem is, exactly that.

THEY should listen to me.

I should not be looking around, waiting desperately

for powerful words of affirmation to sooth my panic.

MY words are the words that should hold a substantial calming effect.

I rely on people.

Secure people that seem to hold life together.

Feed my hunger for peace of mind.

The truth is we all share this struggle.

We all have the power to give our words the strength 

to calm the chaos.

We have the power to trust peace.

To trust that the calm can last.

Self talk.

Confidence.

One life giving word at a time.

Slowly accumulating

beautiful truths.

What do you do when your body fails you?

your worldly possessions....

your friends 

your money

your jobs

your lively hood.....?

My world seems to jump between pure beauty and brutality

it takes a little leap of joy 

being given sushi in a forest

to everything breaking in the morning.

From painting in the sunset 

to deadly sick the morning.

Who does not want me to have continuous joy?

just let me be whoever you are that stands and spites my world.

Let me paint, let me breath fully.

let me walk fast and get my heart beating fast..... 
safely.

let me drive with a full tank of fuel 

and stable job.

Whoever you are ....please let me.

Let me be.

Being guided by songs

"You got to be honest

You got to be guarded

Found a way to understand the things I'm learning

Found a way to understand the time you're burning"

(band of skulls lyrics)

There is nothing like the beauty of a random song that every word seems almost perfectly speaking to you or you singing as if you wrote it. I am learning honesty in the most raw open way possible and only now do i understand my world, my actions, my karma and my consequences.

I used to laugh and get irritated at people who kept saying " the truth will set you free"

What i have realized now is that i have been such a selfish being that the truth i have always kept to myself, as if i share my life but the truth is mine.

well.... now what i teach Emi every day is that " sharing is caring".... so now the light on that subject is shining full blast.

So...... no one wants to know that you have lied.

no one wants to know that what you justified was actually honestly pure evil intent for revenge.

Who says to your face that they have gossiped about you?

I have. I have done all of the above and so have all the souls we come across everyday.

I still trust, i still love.

The truth isn't yours to keep.

It will suck the life out of you.

Talk. Please Talk ...

Your body is lucky.

Your body is lucky.

you are the majority

the common cold

the tummy bug

you heal

you live.

take care of your body

love it 

feed it

give it what it needs

trust me.

Health is taken for granted

Your beating heart

your strong back

take care of it my friend

When you are old you might get sick

that is what the healthy

careless society think

oh these things come with old age.

They don't always.

Your body is lucky.

Breathe deep you can breathe

Your lungs work

don't kill them

your body stays warm

your body wakes up

love it. feed it.

Your body is lucky.

NOW i know how you feel.

People answer you with honest answers once in a lifetime, and you stand there dumbstruck not knowing how to say you are sorry for what they have just experienced or simply give the immediate response of " shame man" or " I could not imagine how difficult that must be".


The truth is that YOU can imagine it, and you can analyse it and try think of the emotions that might possibly be killing them. Since you are in control of your decisions and your hopes, you choose to live by honestly never  even attempting to imagine it could happen to you. That would simple add more stress and grief to you already complicated life. 


If everyone chose to stop for a second and really think if they could feel another persons loss, i believe the world would  not be such a lonely place. There would be an unspoken empathy that we connect the broken with the pampered protected minds.  Segregation would be difficult to maintain as well as judgment or denial.


If i think about it, would i even begin to try imagine  what different situations would feel like i think i would probably fall to pieces knowing i could not fix them, redo them, rewind and make them happy instead.
We all want to cover situations up, make them look prettier, healthier. For ourselves and people.


I cant do any of that but i can choose to honestly try to imagine. Because then i am not untouchable or invisible. I am not protected by my denial and poor you , good luck.  I do not think i am better than you or stronger or constantly have to justify my actions. I am in the cross fire. I also hear the chaos and so do you.


Now if you think about it.

Connecting in some way through humility and staying mindful of the honest souls will keep you grounded. Connected. 
Or you could run for your life through  a battle field and think you will never be shot.


lets just say i stay i do both.


I guess that is how we survive.

let it be

MOst of my posts have been poem like pieces, most depressing, but i like to make people think about the words i write whether you find them low or dark or heavy.

The truth is that all around us the air is thick with beauty and depression, anxiety and joy, fear and adrenaline. To block out what may make you feel a bit vulnerable is to still choose denial.

Denial is beautiful and it has kept me alive for years but it does not last forever. Truth hits you, whether you like it or not and most times its pretty hard and takes the wind out of you.

Its what you do with that truth that determines whether or not you will fully breathe again.

Shock. That is also almost a gift, it protects you from the initial blow to your mind Its the bodies way of immediately turning its self off and only focuses on the biological functions and to keep your heart beating and your lungs breathing. If your body sercame to the honest pure pain of truth or physical harm it would break and wither away in a second.

Then the other kind of truth....the kind that makes you breathe deep, a fully satisfying breath, instantly refreshed. The kind that makes your mind go wild with answered questions, revelations grateful sighs, and child like giggles.

Now my truth-

make a decision to believe in what you truly believe deep down despite all of your doubt questions and skepticism. Despite your anger and people who were supposed to represent what you believe and how they have failed you and the fragile hearts of society.

Take all people away, all physical help. Quieten your analytical mind.

Your mind that stops and questions everything, because whether you believe in love, peace or hope..... the anger at whoever created those things, or expressed those important pieces of your life will stop you from ever fully experiencing any of them.

When i am angry i run as fast as possible.

When i feel betrayed, i run, as fast as possible.

When i am neglected. I run... a fast as possible. Its ok to run, its ok to protect.

Give up being angry at hope because of what predictably comes after hope.

What about the relief that your hope pulled through, your worn out face eventually expresses a true honest smile.

Now those are the days that the truth, the deep satisfaction and blissful relief exist.

It has taken YEARS for me to accept those moments. To choose hope and to choose to fully embrace the days that those honest smiles surface and live.

My honest truth today is ...... i cant run forever.

But i can experience a smile and choose to let it last longer than a few seconds.